"It Ain't Easy Being Awesome"

"You are really tight...really tight. And so I'll help easy some of that tension by loosening you up."

It has come down to this, 30 plus countries by the time I was 28 and countless awe inspiring moments to only be talked at by a strange Chiropractor like some cheesy 70s porno.

In a moment of desperation and 10 years of growing medical problems and a phobia of doctors I broke down and went to a chiropractor today. As I sat in his trendy 3rd floor office suite, I felt like an outsider. In my converse, ratty jeans, thrift store top and manically frizzy red hair I could not have felt more out of place in his crisp and clean modern office. I stared at his abstract art with confusion and listed off the several ailments I had been experiencing over the years. With each newly documented ailment my chiropractors' face twitched.

"Now Miss R. what is the cause of these problems," The doctor monotone voice wafted over my strayed nerves.

"Traveling." I admitted with a sigh.

"Traveling?...No I mean what specific thing caused these problems."My Doctor repeated.

"Traveling.... My body is falling apart because of traveling." I then proceeded to go through each one of my injuries one by one. "My toe happened in Honduras, my foot in Italy, my knee in New Zealand, my back...well technically from carrying my bag thousands of miles over 30 plus different countries," and so on and so on. "So Doc. I am broken because of traveling."

I left the doctors office an hour latter feeling like a limp noodle, a noodle who felt compelled to share this odd experience with a friend. They seemed just as shocked at my seeing a chiropractor as the chiropractor himself and so I found myself being asked the same question "Why and How?" and I responded with the same short reply I had given my doctor just minutes before..."Traveling."


His response was one I had not expected. My friend replied with “It ain’t easy being awesome.” And then proceeded to send me a link to this video:

The video I cant really explain other than to say it is a work of animated cinematic genius. The "Awesome" comment on the other hand, now that got me thinking. It is really tough to be awesome (I mean if I define awesome by the description of one who has been in awe and seen awe inspiring things). For instance, I easily look 5 years older than I actually am, my once thick beautiful ginger curly locks now have the consistency of a bag of half eaten brown straw,  I have had at least 3 broken bones, 2 surgeries, cuts, stings, bruises, scars, parasites, weight gain, weight loss, and emotional scars to last me a life time. My body is a fucking battle ground. Some days I mentally go through my travel scars out of amusement. 

With all this said I sometimes forget that the things I have been through are not normal. Talking to my Filipina roommate, who massages gold onto her skin daily and sleeps on a bed of swan feathers and broken hearts, I have realized that my life is her worst nightmare. "You mean you sleep on sheets that are not at least 1000ct?” If she only knew about the Hungarian Hospital...

Hitch hiking on the side of a road with cast and crutches on a daily basis was and IS my reality just like cracking backs is to my Chiropractor or shopping for high end jewelry and sugar daddy's is for my Filipina roommate. Its my normal and even though my normal has left me battered and bruised I wouldn’t have it any other way...that is until my doctor comes at me with a needle. As the Filipina says, “Back off bitch!"

My Reality: Furries and Human Bitches

Yesterday I walked into an elevator and was greeted by a furry and his human bitch. I just shrugged off the odd picture with no more enthusiasm than it took to press the elevator button. Upon exiting the lift I was surrounded by more people in very odd animal mascot costumes being followed around by men and women with dog collars and fluffy colorful tails. I chalked this all this up to my lack of sleep and kept walking. It wasn't until I got outside my hotel and got some fresh air that it hit me. I just walked through a crowd of Furries in my Denver Hotel....  This incident has made me realize that my reality has definitely become other people's surreal.

SO what is reality? Is it this? A grown human wearing a life size animal costume? As the day carried on this question started to plague me. 

An hour later I arrived at my friends graduation party where I was thrown into Bolder's idea of reality. I was enthusiastically shown astrological charts, ironically discussed the fascinations that a wealthy German had with destruction and watched folk dancers prance across the backyard. It was an invigorating experience yet confusing to navigate on only 3 hours of sleep. I kept pinching myself. Is this really happening? 

With a heavy heart I left my Bolder friends and made my way back to my hotel where I had to swim through the giddy zombie wolves,  furry dogs and human bitches back to my room. 

The next morning I trudged down to the front desk and was a bit disappointed when the foyer was empty of all its previous animalistic activities. It was as if I wanted more odd things to challenge my sense of reality. Alas my flight home provided that for me. 

When I caught this gem of a T-shirt I began to think what an odd choice of clothing to wear in public, but then I got to thinking. For this gentleman this rather ridiculous shirt is completely common place. In Alaska this is normal...In California or Portland some hippie would probably throw paint on him or tofu pieces. But here among the moose and diehard Republicans he is accepted. It is their reality and because I live here it is sort of mine as well. 

After I deplaned my flight I got to thinking about this T-shirt and was buzzed out of my thoughts by a Facebook message. I looked down at my phone and read a message that my travel buddy and best friend RP sent to me and a few of our other travel pals. 

These messages are not rare. In fact, I receive one from RP about every 2 months or so when some stranger pops up on her newsfeed or sends her a message. This is our reality. We have traveled all over the world. Met people from all 6 six continents, and have come face to face with creatures that would frighten even the most brave of men. Example:

Bull's Balls

MeatBall

But our memory is shit and so we rely on these quick FB messages to set us straight and often time the answers and realizations are quite amusing...

So again I ask what is reality? Or better yet what is my reality? Is it petting a tiger? Is it people who get a thrill out of dressing in mascot costumes? Or is it old men in inappropriate T-shirts? These are all trick questions because...“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” ― Albert Einstein

The Single Traveler: A Nasty Little Beast

Travel can be a nasty little thing. It can bring enlightenment, happiness, and spontaneity, but it can also cause confusion, deceit and loneliness. Being single can be an even nastier beast. You pair the two together and you could have a monster on your hands if you dont keep your guard up.  When I first started traveling almost 8 years ago I was snatched up fairly quickly from the dating market so could not dabble where most women would have gladly done so. It was a fortunate thing for me. I was so ignorant and naive to the dating and traveling world that I would have most certainly been taken advantage of and cocked things up royally; so instead, I sat on the side lines and watched what unfortunate things could happen to those who were unaware. Don't get me wrong, be it woman or man, I always advertise being single when you travel. I am a big advocate of remaining wholy in the moment and it is hard to do when you have a loved one at home- possible but hard.

After years of being in a relationship I find myself single in the traveling world again and it is odd. I am both invigorated at the idea and petrified because it is completely different when you see it from the other side. I no longer heckle the players because now I am one. In the past, certain things I would do or say would have been taken in jest but now...now they are taken very seriously indeed.

The past few months has been a lesson in navigating this foreign world of singledom traveling. One thing I'm beginning to learn is that the heart is a funny thing. If you mess with it, it hurts. Who knew. Just today I was listening to my roommate who, like me, is transitioning into the "Single Traveler" lifestyle. Already she has run into some rough patches and unlucky snags along the way. I found my self saying "Babe, when it comes to the dating lifestyle we live, you must think like a man. Be blunt and think black or white."

I am a proud female and saying these words did sting a little, but they held a lot of truth. You can't be vulnerable as a single traveler. It is like bleeding in a tank full of sharks. They can smell you. Or like a Playboy Bunny in a room full of nasty old men. Sooner or later you're gonna be pricked.

It is so easy to loose yourself in this lifestyle but being your own anchor will help you retain your sanity and self respect. The best advice I could ever give any single independent female about to travel the world is trust your intuition. I didn't listen to my intuition for a while and it lead me to fall down the rabbit hole. Let me just tell you it is a lot easier to fall into the hole than it is to dig your self out. So find your mantra and remember...

"I am the hero of this story. I don't need to be saved."

How I Found Happiness: Frodo to Brazil

My day started with Frodo and ended with Brazil. A typical day in the life of the new me. Six months ago I would have never imagined I lived in the wilds of Alaska and made a living out of flying to the North Pole and the end of the world (as most Californians would define it), but alas here I am. Six months ago I was half a person who could not define happiness let alone live it. But today...today I laughed and... it felt great.

My home is an airplane and my family its occupants. I  find solace in the business men, the fishermen, the doctors, the dentists, the oil drillers, the ill, the healthy. Today I enthusiastically  retold a familiar travel story at 35,000ft in the air to a wrapped audience; and I could not help but find a bit of home in this motley crew: Frodo with his charming good looks; Pinky with his hearty laugh and pure embarrassing ignorance of mother nature and human nature; and the side kick with his uncanny ability to successfully exploit these embarrassing moments of his family and friends. These people I only knew for but a moment yet I felt more comfortable talking about how to recognize a hooker from a far and how to not to look like an idiot when confronted by an Alaskan moose in mother nature than talking about the weather with my brother-in-law. Odd moments like these allow me to validate the choices I have made this past year and have caused me to find the impossible: happiness. Even though I have to come home every night to a very small studio apartment that I share with a kinky Filipina, ironically named after  a Brazilian Sex crazy party town, and a Lebanese-american woman who's never heard of the phrase "too much information", I am still very much content. As a result, I would say that I have finally made a beneficial decision and I have begun to find happiness thanks to the Frodos and Brazils of the world.