One's Woman's American Reality is Another Man's Prison Bitch

Yesterday, a gentleman on Portland’s public transport tried to befriend me. His opening line was “So I just got out of Federal Prison...” First of all, that was a rather unfortunate opening line. That said, I felt a lot of empathy for the young man. I could relate to him in many ways. No, I have never been in federal prison and I would have never in a million years opened with that line; however, I know what it is like to come back into American Reality after being absent from its capitalistic clutches for so long and having to deal with everything being different. The culture shock is so incredible that your sociability plummets, although, I am sure this gentleman’s ability to follow social cues before prison was probably dismal at best. He had the charm of an ape on acid. It did not help that he had that Dungeons and Dragons meets your everyday electrician look about him. Due to these unfortunate attributes you just knew he was a prison bitch. None of which helped his case. Also the shoving his phone in my face and asking how his Prostitute iPhone App worked did not endear him to me whatsoever. “They just keeping wanting to buy me” is not a good pick up line.

In all seriousness, I understand, even if minutely, the loneliness and disconnect this man is feeling. I’ve felt it so often the last 10 years that it is now a second skin. I am currently battling with these feelings in Portland. I’ve been here 9 months. Long enough to give birth but not long enough to make  good friends who are not always hopping on planes to escape the monotonous rain and hippienesss . Its a definite limbo. The funny thing is though that I thrive in Limbo. I have for years, but usually I have countless, somewhat, stationary friends to enjoy limbo with.

After running off the tram and away from the ex-convict and possible prostitute, I met with my one and only stationary Portlandian friend. She too just moved here and is trying to create some sort of lasting community. So many things are going her way. The Gay Marriage Ban was lifted so now she can take the next step in her long term relationship, she got a kick ass job in non-profit in which she actually gets paid with real American money, and she lives in a killer part of Portland; however, she too is battling with making those non ex-convict friendships here. We might live completely different lives and have totally different goals but at the foundation of it all we are fighting the same battle: debilitating loneliness.

After my lunch date, I trudged home on the light rail with a new sense of camaraderie and understanding. I was not wholly alone. Even my roommate was dealing with her own form of loneliness. Except her loneliness was in the form of the show “What Not to Wear” and www.Christianmingle.com. She just wants another person to share her adventures and fashion trends with; however, she quickly realized that Christainmingle.com was not the answer to her loneliness prayers. If anything it was a very biblical nightmare.

With that said, there are moments that I do secretly revel in the loneliness--  those moments when its just me and my thoughts. And sometimes I even enjoy those rather uncomfortable interactions that happen on Portland's public transport. They make me aware of my own social short comings. They also make me aware that no matter how alone I might feel that I will never ever be desperate enough to befriend a man who’s opening line is “So I just got out of Federal Prison..."